The Hidden Sabotage
This is what's undermining your ability to lead simply.
I’m not sure if I’ve included this fun fact in prior posts, but I’m originally from New York City, the best city in the world. Brooklyn, NY, to be more precise.
I recently had the opportunity to be on a podcast where the interview focused on my upbringing and childhood in Brooklyn. I rarely get the opportunity to talk about that experience, so it was such a treat.
The final question that the interviewer asked me was, “What is one piece of Brooklyn that you carry with you everywhere you go?”
One of the things I mentioned was that I carry the “tell it like it is” energy everywhere I go. On stage as a keynote speaker, 1:1 or in groups for coaching sessions with clients, or leading training sessions or workshops for organizations. I don’t mince words.
To be even more honest, I can’t.
Doing so feels weird, uncomfortable, and unnatural.
How do I know that? At one point, I actually tried to do that in corporate because I thought it was the right thing to do.
I thought I was doing OK with it, until other people in the organization who knew me well called me out.
Yes, called me out!
They shared comments like “you’re holding back” and “you can navigate this political game well, but why? That’s not really you”.
What I learned from those conversations was that even as I thought I was showing up as myself, other people could see the difference, and it called my authenticity into question.
This brings me to ask you a question: Where have you been showing up in ways as a leader that truly don’t feel aligned for you?
When you have to force yourself to conform to a certain leadership style or method, or when you seek to emulate the model set by others without adapting to your own personality and belief system, your authenticity can be called into question by others.
It’s what can secretly sabotage your standing as a leader and example for others in your organization to follow.
We’ve heard the mantra of “sometimes you have to go along to get along.” But when we internalize that message as leaders, what does it end up costing us?
And when we choose to lean into aligned behaviors, what opportunities and deeper connections with others may come to us?
Earlier this month, I was leading workshop sessions for a client organization, and during one of the breaks, I met one of the participants on the way to the bathroom. We chatted about her experience with the sessions so far, and she said, “I really appreciate your honesty, transparency, and you being real with us.” That for me, is one of the highest compliments I can get. Anyone can stand up and lead a session if they prepared and practiced well enough.
But when people see me being honest with them, it builds trust and opens the door for them to be real with me, and that’s what creates magic for me with clients.
And let me be clear: No one is saying for you to take on the Brooklyn energy, if that’s not who you are (plus, it can get you into trouble :)
But it’s about you showing up and leading in a way that feels congruent with the person you are at your core, not the sanitized version that feels more palatable to corporate, but causes you to cringe.
Because here’s the thing: By the time you’re feeling the cringe and recognizing your inauthentic attitude and approach, your team and/or others who know you have probably picked up on it long before that.
Final Word: When you hide behind a watered-down version of yourself, your people may start wondering what else you’re holding back, and before you know it, the connection that once existed starts to erode. Authenticity is magnetic and magical, and the moment you abandon it to make others comfortable, you’ve begun to undermine and sabotage your leadership in a way that can end up being irreparable. The courage to step into your real, aligned, authentic leadership will take you further than the perfectionist, “drinking the kool-aid”, corporate act ever could.